Ladies: this stud of a man is in need of a MORP date. He’s handsome, 5’9″ (give or take a few inches)  and weights around 150 lbs. He’s clean shaven on his face, back and chest, AND he has all fingers and toes.  Plus, he can cupid shuffle.

He can read, write, and knows how to count to ten; maybe  twenty if you get to know him better. Not only will he accompany you to this dance, but he will provide a glistening fake smile for your pictures, and he’ll eat before so you don’t have to pay for his meal. He offers a wide variety of transportation options from his dads car lot, but you may have to slum it and just take his Infinity.

As to appearance, he’ll make sure to wear his dad’s best tux and even coordinate his tie color with your dress. As to your crosauge, he’ll make it from his home grown flowers that he personally planted just for YOU.

Jacob Eisenburg himself is enough, but with all these added benefits how could you not ask him to MORP?

If YOU are interested please don’t hesitate to contact Jacob Eisenburg immediately, he’s pacing by the phone awaiting your call.

BUT WAIT! There’s more! If that doesn’t suit your fancy we will throw in a free date with Elliot Parkman and a drawing from Mrs. O’s birthday box. (come to room D 205 to claim your prizes)

So ask Jacob today! He’s charming, handsome and underneath it all just wants to be accepted and loved by a special lady… Is that too much to ask for?